It's not what you think

Continued from...

The Queen was supervising the installation of the King's new exercise room with the King's newly hired personal trainer when the King walked in.

"Oh, husband, such a pleasure to see you!" effused the Queen, "This is Amanda, your new personal trainer. She's going to help you get back into shape!"

Amanda took one look at the King and said to the Queen, "Shocking, isn't it, that you've let your husband run to rot. But don't worry, I'll soon have him back in shape."

The King was not impressed by this, and was even less enthused when Amanda proceeded to walk over to him and pinch his admittedly large belly. "Guards!" he roared, "Off with her head!"

Bounded into the room immediately hundreds of guards who attempted to off with her head, but she did some crouching and hiding and then some karate moves and the guards retreated strategically to a corner of the room and cowered behind an unfinished bar bell installation.

The king was not impressed, and roared "Amanda! I command you to get my guards into shape before you even think of dealing with me!" He chortled as he said this, and before the Queen could protest he flashed her the secret sign (two pastrami sandwiches on rye with mustard, pickle, and fries on the side, plus a large Sprechers root beer) that meant, "Be careful woman, you're next!" She was careful, and realized that sometimes you lose a battle or two in the war that is marriage. The King, emboldened by his success, began to mutter something about making sausage legal again, but the Queen flashed him her own secret sign (a fried egg sandwich with mayo and a green-colored healthy drink) that meant, "You won that one buddy, but you try any more tricks and you'll regret it." The King reflected that he had at least fought off the enemies latest salvo, and comforted himself with the thought that there was always another day.

Meanwhile, the impersonator was having his own problems. He had just discovered that his only living relative was rich and determined to not include the impersonator in his will. The impersonator was of course quite perturbed at this state of affairs, even if they didn't really change anything. You see, that morning he had received a phone call from a lawyer in darkest Africa who said, "I'd like to inform you that your long-lost great uncle Fred-"

"Who?" asked the impersonator, "who's my great uncle Fred?"

The lawyer said, "He's your great great uncle Charles' only son."

"I didn't know Charles had a son!" said the impersonator, "and by the way, what ever happened to good 'ol Charlie?" The attorney informed him that Charles was dead. The impersonator expressed suitable condolences, and then asked the attorney what the purpose of his phone call was.

"Well, as you may or may not know," explained the attorney, "your great great uncle Charles was an extremely wealthy man. When he died he left you half his estate, on the condition that his son Fred was interested in sharing it with you. Fred isn't, and therefore you won't be seeing a penny."

The impersonator asked, "So why did you have to tell me this?"

"Because," replied the attorney, "I told Fred I would do it for him."

A few hours later the King, excited with his new-found sense of power, ambles down to the local pub. The impersonator had the same idea, though it was caused by a different idea, and the two met there. The King told the impersonator all the latest news, and asked him what he thought. The impersonator laughed at the King's naïveté, and said, "You think you'll be done with Amanda so quickly? She's the most persistent woman in the kingdom!"

"Are you kidding me?" scoffed the King, "Have you ever met my wife?"

"I don't know about that," replied the impersonator, "but I do know that Amanda has never not gotten her way in her life, so if I was you I'd be careful. Besides, she controls the purse strings for now."

The King thought this over for a minute while the impersonator nursed his Guinness, and then said, "Hmm, interesting. Very interesting. Seems to me that you might just be correct. But how do you know?"

"Ahh," replied the impersonator, "that would be telling."

Indeed it would.

To be continued...