Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Beat the rock

Continued from...

The Impersonator and the King were having an identity crisis. The King wasn't sure if he was a proper noun or not, and the Impersonator was ruminating over the irony of someone with his name having an identity crisis. It didn't make sense! But that didn't matter, it was happening.

The Queen was not amused. She had been holed up with Amanda discussing their latest plans for King-domination, and now that the King didn't quite know who he was anymore, it appeared that all their hard work might be for naught. The Queen pleaded with the King to get a hold of himself, but he was unable to. She even suspected that he might be putting on an act, but then she realized that the man she had married wasn't nearly smart enough to do that. No, he really was confused. Amanda wasn't much help either. Though she was all right when it came to reducing the amount of King in the world she was no good when it came to bringing the King back.

The kingdom was happy to finally get a mention, and they couldn't be bothered feeling bad for a King who had the backbone of a fish and a wife to go along with it. Besides, they had other issues to contend with. The ban on sausages had been extended to all meat products, and they ravened for a good steak or at the very least for a burger.

The Impersonator couldn't figure out what to do. He decided to do the only thing he knew: he went down to his local bar for a drink. There was a karaoke contest going on, and after a few white russians the Impersonator felt ready to compete. His turn came up, and he selected the song "Memories" from MBD. 

"And I was left with memories, sweet memories, yes I was left with-" At this he stopped, because a loud voice was suddenly heard to come from the area around the bar which proclaimed, "Why should I pay more for premium gasoline?" People around the Impersonator motioned for him to continue, but he was transfixed by the voice's question. He too began to think, "Why should he pay more for premium gasoline?" It just didn't make any sense! No wonder the voice was downing whiskey sours at an alarming rate. The Impersonator moved over to join it, much to the dismay of the crowd, who were looking forward to the satisfaction of him finishing his song.

The voice by the bar said, "Howdy, partner, ain't you excited to be in Denver? Yeehaw!" The Impersonator was confused; he didn't think he was in Denver, and even if he was he certainly wouldn't be excited about it. The voice continued, "I know you have problems. I have problems too. For example, I just don't get why anyone would listen to anyone else ever. Doesn't make any sense!" The Impersonator thought about this for a moment, and said, "So you're saying that my listening to you makes no sense?" "Precisely!" cried the voice, "you're merely perpetuating the abusive circle and striking a blow to humanity!"

The Impersonator was beginning to think he had made a mistake in abandoning chance at karaoke stardom and his thoughts were confirmed when the bartender moved over to where he and the voice were standing and said, "I wouldn't bother with him, if I were you. He has issues."

The Queen had her own issues, as has been discussed above, and she didn't know what to do. She turned to the only solace she had: sugar. The Queen knew that if she consumed enough sugar all her problems would go away, or at least they'd be replaced with new ones which would make her current ones look petty in comparison. So consume she did consume, until she turned fat. Curiously enough, this was all the King needed to return him to his senses, and soon they were living happily again, Amanda imprisoned happily ever.

The Impersonator got scared out of his wits, and he too realized who he was and where he was headed in life. It looked like the story might end, with all the loose ends wrapped up together tidily and thrust under the couch.

The impersonator realized that he still had, what, at least six months left, so he decided to make some mischief. The next morning the King found out that his wife, the Queen, had betrayed him...

To be continued...