Monday, March 9, 2009

Referential treatment

Continued from...

"Great art only comes through suffering!" said the king. His wife, the queen, said, "Suffering? What do you know from suffering? You're the king!" Her husband, the king, responded, "By you starvation isn't suffering?" "Starvation?" said his wife, the queen, "A little diet, the likes of which many have lived through before, can hardly be termed suffering." "What you smoking woman?!" cried the king, "The only thing small about this diet is the amount of food I get to eat!" "Be that as it may," said the queen, his wife, "you are the king, and therefore you're really not entitled to say that you're suffering." The king said, "If I'm the king, then why can't I do whatever I wish?" "Because you have a wonderful wife, the queen," said the queen, "who is desperately trying to help you in your hour of need."

Meanwhile, back at the bar, the impersonator was contemplating one of life's great mysteries. "Why is it," he thought, "that you can't always have what you want when you want it, sometimes you just have to wait? And how did MBD ever make such gorgeous Yiddish songs?" The impersonator thought be had an answer for the first question, but the second to him was like a closed door. "Anyway," he continued thinking, "there's more important things for me to deal with. For example, how do I overturn the sausage decree, and what was that strange sound heard in the king's very own chambers last episode?"

Suddenly, in barged thirteen of the king's own guards, resplendent in their mochachino-shaped hats and each carrying an AA-12, purchased by the king for his very own guards from the Jordanian government. The impersonator looked up, and the leader of the guards said, "Mr. Impersonator person?" The impersonator said, "Yeah, that's me, but you could call me Carl." "Really?" said the guard, "that change everything!" "Not really. It's just as anonymous as calling me the impersonator" said the impersonator, "but it's not as much of a pain to write out every time. Besides, I've always wanted to be called Carl." "Yeah sure, and my name is Penelope," replied the guard, "but however you wish to be called, you've been charged with a very serious offense: bringing stake and outdated plot devices from one episode to another. The punishment you face, if convicted, is death, or marriage to the queen's sister." "No!" cried a shocked and stirred impersonator, "anything but the queen's sister! Besides, though guilty I may be, you people do it all the time with your diet talk. How much longer will you be able to milk that story line? If I am to be punished let the king stand trial as well!" This was said quite majestically, but the guard was not impressed. He drew himself up to his full stature, and said, "Let the record state that the accused did make a potentially self-incriminating statement, and furthermore, accused the king of the same crime. The only thing I don't get is, how would you punish the king? He's already married to the queen! Death would only bring relief!"

To be continued...

3 comments:

Dovid said...

After the first paragraph I was so sure the queen was going to be put to death. Especially in honor of vashti and everything.

Cheerio said...

1. dude, you have to read jasper fforde. you don't even realize how much inspiration you're drawing from his works until you read them.
2. penelope? aHEM.
3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
4. the queen's sister? this sounds interesting...
dovid - how could he kill off the queen? despite her seemingly evil actions in forcing a diet upon the king, it's only what every loving wife does for her potentially ill husband.

The Real Shliach said...

Dovid: get rid of a great character? You crazy?

Cheerio: 1. Until I read him, absolutely none.
2. I know. Ha!
3. What was that about?
4. Yup.
Diet: evil.