Thursday, April 23, 2009

The One-Sentence-a-Piece Joint-Writing Exercise.

Key: e. TRS le7 Sarabonne Dovid Mottel Cheerio Crawling Axe Sef


Eric ran for all he was worth. Suddenly, he was hit by the front-end loader he had been chased by and landed in a nearby ditch. He landed flat on his rather plump posterior and was more shocked than injured.
He cursed the heavens and rummaged around for his monocle.

"What kind of job is this for a nice Jewish boy wearing a tweed jacket, suspenders, hair-plugs, and a monocle anyway?" he wondered. Reaching into his coat pocket for his inhaler, Eric felt something warm and wet oozing onto his fingers. Eric pulled out his monocle, and popped it into his eye socket. And then he saw the rhino. Knees buckled, he ran for Tijuana. And promptly fell flat on his face, it's hard to run with buckled legs.

"What the hell is going on here," he muttered to himself, as blood dripped from his fingers, his monocle fell to the ground, his suspenders snapped, and he noticed--for the first time--that the rhino and the front-end loader were both gone. Ira Eric Green was definitely beginning to have second thoughts about his new "legitimate" career as a stunt double. It wasn't only the danger involved; the pay was shoddy, and it left him with no time for his true love, competitive matzah ball eating.
Fluffy white ones, little brown hard ones, stuffed with ground beef and jalapeno, fried with mango sauce... whenever Ira thought about matzah balls, he could barely contain himself...

Slowly the world came back in focus as Ira settled down from the trip - taking matza balls laced with acid, was not good for ones health. "Could this be the cause of my tinnitus?” Ira thought, suddenly remembering his trip to Prague as a representative to Russian mafia.

Little did Ira Eric Green know that the high-pitched beeping noise he had been hearing since that trip was really a result of a tracking device that had been installed during the night he had stayed in a sleazy Russian hotel. As Ira slowly rose to his feet, perhaps a cup of coffee would help stable his blurred vision and pounding headache.

Sipping his coffee, he moseyed over to the calendar to see when the next matzah-ball-eating competition would be. As he began searching through the dates, he discovered that the next contest would be in three days. He sipped his coffee, added a fourth teaspoon of sugar and then noticed where the contest would take place. "The Brooklyn City Hospital- front parking lot", he read off the notice. "Oh dear", he thought, "talk about flirting with the past." He slurped down the rest of his coffee and gave a loud belch.

A man standing next to him said, "My dear sir, that was absolutely disgusting, I've never been so offended in my life!"

He looked over at the man and said "How in tarnation did you get inside my kitchen?"

"Your kitchen!" the man roared, "who do you think you are, making horrible noises and then thinking you own this place? Be gone!"

"Security?" said Eric Ira Green, with a slight bit of annoyance in his voice, "Can we get this guy off the set?"

Ira "Eric" Green wagged his head and blinked a few times, trying to dispell the image of the man standing in his kitchen. "Guess acid takes longer to wear off then they said in that recipe book," he muttered to himself, shaking his head harder and faster back and forth. Suddenly, something dislodged itself from his ear and fell to the floor with the quietest of smashing sounds.

"Oh no!" Ira cried, "my prized platinum stud has fallen out! Whatever shall I do?" (Too bad Ira doesn't know what a stud is).

Suddenly, Ira realized that his tinnitus was gone. Ah, and there was that bloody rhino again. "Damn, the acid flashes are getting worse! Well I better rest up and hope this wears off before the competion", he thought yawning and lying down.
Ira heard the instructions from his CIA handler over the earpiece he had inserted back into his ear (where else), and proceeded to the rendezvous point three miles out of town to the left of the Alterra coffee where the wild things were. (Or so he dreamed in his long, deep slumber.) Ira blinked as he saw himself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies - from afar somebody called him, so he answered quite slowly,to a girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

She sang to him,

"You're so vain You probably think this song is about you You're so vain I'll bet you think this song is about you Don't you? Don't you?"

and then ran off.

Ira tried to look for his monocle, but instead found a piece of French toast in his jacket; at this point, he heard (amidst now very distinctive lack of tinnitus) a male voice in Eastern European accent say “Brrrekfest ready, Mistterr Eeera”, smelled French toast and woke up. Laying in his 800 count - hot pink - Egyptian cotton sheets, Ira looked around the room to see if the voice he heard was real.

"Of course I'm real!" a raspy voice screamed. The raspy voice belonged to a shriveled old man who was standing in the center of Ira's room (which was coincidentally was painted hot pink), holding a (what else?) hot pink breakfast tray.

"Oh Adrian its just you. What day is it? How long have I been sleeping here on the set?"

"Erm, Meester Ira sir...you been sleeping many a moon, we was very worried."

197 comments:

e said...

what's a front-end loader.

The Real Shliach said...

ever heard of google?

sarabonne said...

(I'm not sure how to add the sentence unto the existing post)
Sarabonne: He cursed the heavens and rummaged around for his monocle.

sarabonne said...

Right, I tag Dovid

e said...

sara, tag someone.

e said...

oops.

The Real Shliach said...

Someone has to tell Dovid about this

sarabonne said...

that's right, keep playing around with the fonts...

sarabonne said...

There we go.

The Real Shliach said...

Just trying to make it all uniform

sarabonne said...

Black and white.

The Real Shliach said...

and read all over

le7 said...

I tried to make it uniform but it showed up all funny.

The Real Shliach said...

That's where html editing comes into play-just delete everything

le7 said...

Mmkay.

Dovid said...

What kind of job is this for a nice Jewish boy wearing a tweed jacket, suspenders, hear-plugs, and a monocle anway?

Dovid said...

I tag Mottel.

sarabonne said...

Ah, it appears the story is not over after-all.

David said...

can someone add the words he wondered to the end of my sentence, i left that out.

Dovid said...

wow that was quick

The Real Shliach said...

I do what I can.

Mottel said...

What is is, writing for basement bloggers with ADD?

-TRS: Always with violence! Do you kill small animals or something for fun . . . ?
-Dovid: Always using my line :-P

Anyhow, my sentence:

Reaching into his coat pocket for his inhaler, Eric felt something warm and wet oozing onto his fingers.

le7 said...

No, for BBers with ADHD.

Who do you tag?

Dovid said...

To be fair, TRS has yet to kill off a single character.

I guess I just love the line so much, it can work in so many different situations.

The Real Shliach said...

I can't do it right now, but can someone put mottel's sentence in, and then tag cheerio?

Sef said...

TRS - change is good. Stories don't always have to involve shootings....

Cheerio said...

Eric pulled out his monocle, and popped into his eye socket.

Cheerio said...

i tag CA.

The Real Shliach said...

Sef: no?

Crawling Axe said...

“And then he saw the rhino.”

Dovid said...

lol

Dovid said...

tag someone

Crawling Axe said...

Umm… I tag Sefira.

The Real Shliach said...

Can someone put CA's line in there please?

Sef said...

Whoever can - put up my sentence please.

Knees buckled, he ran for Tijuana.

I tag Sarabonne.

The Real Shliach said...

Sef, that makes no sense. How do you run when your knees are buckled?

le7 said...

TRS, I don't know if you noticed, but the whole thing doesn't make sense!

The Real Shliach said...

What are you talking about? Of course it makes sense! At least, every sentence on its own makes sense.

Dovid said...

TRS- I don't think it was simultaneous. First his knees buckled, then he ran for tijuana.

The Real Shliach said...

Hmm, I'm skeptical of that analysis.

Dovid said...

Ok:

"knees buckled"= the rhino's knees buckled
"he ran for tijuana"= Eric ran for tijuana

eh? eh?

e said...

Dovid: Dangling modifier alert!!!!!!!

Le7: the sentences all made sense individually and collectively.

Crawling Axe said...

e: too many exclamation marks alert!

sarabonne said...

And promptly fell flat on his face, it's hard to run with buckled legs.

I suppose it goes back to e then?

Dovid said...

So it wasn't the rhino's knees that were buckled and Eric did try to run with buckled knees/legs. tsk, tsk, doesn't he realize you can't run with buckled knees/legs?

sarabonne said...

Well he was just hit with a front-end loader...

le7 said...

e. - They do not make any sense together.

e said...

yeah, I suppose they make less and less sense as they go along.

e said...

e: "What the hell is going on here," he muttered to himself, as blood dripped from his fingers, his monocle fell to the ground, his suspenders snapped, and he noticed--for the first time--that the rhino and the front-end loader were both gone.

It's long sentence, but it kind of brings the rather disparate elements of this story back together.

I tag Dovid.

e said...

hope nobody minds my minor vulgarity. If you do, feel free to replace it with the euphemism of your choice.

Dovid said...

Ira Eric Green was definitely beginning to have second thoughts about his new "legitimate" career as a stunt double.

TRS work your magic.

e said...

omg! All this craziness was just happening on a movie set!

Sef said...

First his knees buckled, then he tried running to Tijuana. It makes sense. thanks.

sarabonne said...

lol, I was also going to use a movie-set line in case anyone got killed!

The Real Shliach said...

My line is posted, I tag le7.

Dovid said...

competitive matzah ball eating, lol

Dovid said...

but I think this would be less dangerous than his previous work for the columbian drug lords no?

e said...

IT'S NOT THE SAME GUY! this guy's name is Eric. Last time he was just plain Ira.

e said...

unless you really want it to be the same guy, in which case I can suspend disbelief.

le7 said...

I tag Mottel. Can someone tell him? I'm too lazy...

e said...

is he eric or ira?

The Real Shliach said...

le7, you're a freakin genius. Now who do you tag?

le7 said...

e. - I don't know.

TRS - I tagged Mottel.

The Real Shliach said...

Done.

Dovid said...

e- Ira Eric Green. If you had a history in organized crime, you wouldn't go by your first name either.
Oh wait you don't...

Dovid said...

btw, I really want to try some of those matzah balls.

Cheerio said...

yeah, the ground beef and jalapeno sound delicious.

le7 said...

Hehe if only I could cook the things I make up.

Mottel said...

"Slowly the world came back in focus as Ira settled down from the trip - taking matza balls laced with acid, was not good for ones health."

I tag Crawling Axe.
Could we try color coding each blogger, so that we don't need to write who wrote what each time. Dibs on Red.

sarabonne said...

Matza balls...mmmmmm. I know where I'm going for Shabbas.

Cheerio said...

nah, some colors will be hard to read.

le7 said...

Mottel, excellent idea! I'll work on it.

sarabonne said...

fine, but then I'm...cranberry-purple

sarabonne said...

its a very polular color this season...

Crawling Axe said...

“Could this be the cause of my tinnites?” Ira thought, suddenly remembering his trip to Prague as a representative to Russian mafia.

Crawling Axe said...

tinnitus*

Crawling Axe said...

Tag → Cheerio.

Mottel said...

Crawling axe - I mentioned the acid trip ending so this thing could start making sense.
*Rolls eyes*

Sef said...

This will never ever ever ever ever make sense.

Dovid said...

I don't know, it makes sense to me. Ira the Jewish accountant to the drug lords, leaves his life of crime for a career as a stunt double and begins going by his middle name Eric. He dreams to be a professional matza ball fresser. Naturally, his previous employment in the drug cartels and his love of matza balls has given him a penchant for acid laced matza balls, which explains his hallucinations.

Makes sense no?

sarabonne said...

wow, enlightenment.

Crawling Axe said...

Tinnitus has actually connection to Prague in a form of Bedřich Smetana. While Russian mafia has connection to Prague, because in the early 90s people tried to import Czech beer to Russia. It never worked out, because you had to bring a sample for tasting, but the person who was travelling with the sample on train would start “sampling” himself, until the whole thing was gone.

Crawling Axe said...

So, Ira could be someone in charge of that. As everyone knows, Jews are not shikkers.

Dovid said...

Whatever happened to EOW and RAW? Did they retire?

The Real Shliach said...

Whose turn is it now?

Crawling Axe said...

Cheerio. I tagged her.

Cheerio said...

little did ira eric green that the high-pitched beeping noise he had been hearing since that trip was really a result of a tracking device that had been installed during the night he had stayed in a sleazy Russian hotel.

Crawling Axe said...

know?

Cheerio said...

know or realize, whichever whoever inserts this sentences likes better.

Cheerio said...

oh and i tag endofworld (sorry if you got left out!)

sarabonne said...

I like how the sentences gradually get longer and longer...

The Real Shliach said...

All right, someone tell le7 to get on the ball and insert this in.

le7 said...

Ouch TRS, I've been a little busy sleeping, doing homework, going to work etc....

Dovid said...

I don't think EOW checks this blog anymore, does she?

le7 said...

I can e-mail her.

e said...

The problem with this project is that everyone wants to write a sentence that will knock everyone's respective socks off and introduce a whole new element to the story. Thus, each sentence brings in a whole new element, and the story makes no sense.

I think that the real kuntz would be to make a coherent story out of this. It's much more challenging to create a viable story when you have no idea what the next sentence is going to be.

It would require real teamwork. Instead of trying to out-wow each other, we'd need to find ideas already implicit in the earlier sentences and develop them further.

What do you guys think?

le7 said...

e., if you'll note, I'm already in fact doing that. I usually just add some description to the last idea.

e said...

hear, hear.

Sef said...

well said

Dovid said...

OK, fair enough. Can we reasign the next sentence, I don't think EOW will be joining us. Lets just go in the order of the names listed at the top of the post starting with e.

le7 said...

I think she will be. I e-mailed her... she probably can't check her e-mail until her kids have done to sleep or something... so give her a few hours.

Dovid said...

k

le7 said...

Okay EOW said if we want to tag her after Shabbos she'll have more time. So who's up?

Mottel said...

I'm up for it . . .

le7 said...

Yeah go for it.

Mottel said...

As Ira went about making himself a cup of coffee to help stable his headache, a searing pain suddenly over took him, as the head of an Ithorian Overlord caming bursting out off his stomach.
I tag E.

le7 said...

Are you just spiting us? I really have to put that in?!

Mottel said...

Hey, if this is the continuation of the previous writing exercise, why not bring back my Ithorian overlords? . . .
Ok I'll put up the real sentence in the next comment

le7 said...

How about we bring them back at a more opportune time?

Mottel said...

As Ira slowly rose to his feet, perhaps a cup off coffee would help stable his blurred vision and pounding headache.
I tag E.

le7 said...

Should there be a "he thought" in there?

Mottel said...

It's written elliptically, so no.

le7 said...

Yeah, but in this context, it just looks like a mistake.

e said...

Sipping his coffee, he moseyed over to the calendar to see when the next matzah-ball-eating competition would be.

I think we shouldn't follow a strict rotation. Let each person choose whom to tag. That adds excitement. Plus you want to be able to react to different people's writing each time and see how different people react to your writing each time.

I tag Sef.

Sef said...

As he began searching through the dates, he discovered that the next contest would be in three days. He sipped his coffee, added a fourth teaspoon of sugar and then noticed where the contest would take place.

Okie dokie. I tag Dovid.

Dovid said...

"The Brooklyn City Hospital- front parking lot", he read off the notice.

Dovid said...

Sarabonne, bechavod

sarabonne said...

Oh dear, he thought, talk about flirting with the past.

I tag Le7

Cheerio said...

e. - awesome idea.

le7 said...

Sentence posted, changed colors, tagged TRS.

The Real Shliach said...

Tagged-le7

le7 said...

Tagged- TRS

The Real Shliach said...

Tagged- le7

le7 said...

I tag Cheerio.

Cheerio said...

i tag TRS (i mean, is anyone else online?)

The Real Shliach said...

CA is, but I'll go

Cheerio said...

ok, my sentence got lost.
so here it is:

Ira "Eric" Green wagged his head and blinked a few times, trying to dispell the image of the man standing in his kitchen. "Guess acid takes longer to wear off then they said in that recipe book," he muttered to himself, shaking his head harder and faster back and forth. Suddenly, something dislodged itself from his ear and fell to the floor with the quietest of smashing sounds.

The Real Shliach said...

I tag le7

le7 said...

I tag CA.

Cheerio said...

huh?

sarabonne said...

lol, this is hilarious.

Crawling Axe said...

I tag Sarabonne, for so wills the Senate.

Dovid said...

TRS did you intentionally mess up Cheerio's set up for the tracking device or did you not see what she was implying?

The Real Shliach said...

what did I do?

Dovid said...

I guess it was unintentional then.

sarabonne said...

Ah, and there was that bloody rhino again.

I couldn't help it, lol. I tag Cheerio

Dovid said...

read the whole story and it should make sense what Cheerio was talking about

Cheerio said...

damn, the acid flashes were getting worse!

Cheerio said...

i tag dovid

Dovid said...

Well I better rest up and hope this wears off before the competion, the though yawning and lyind down.

Dovid said...

I tag TRS

sarabonne said...

the though yawning and lying=he thought yawning and lying...?

Dovid said...

yep, sorry

Anonymous said...

By the way, did you guys know that Russians and Germans can write really long sentences? For instance — the first paragraph is one single sentence. Not a run-on.

Anonymous said...

(that was me, by the way… too lazy to sign in)

The Real Shliach said...

Here's my sentence (I'm too lazy to put everyone else's sentences in right now).

Ira heard the instructions from his CIA handler over the earpiece he had inserted back into his ear (where else), and proceeded to the rendezvous point three miles out of town to the left of the Alterra coffee where the wild things were.

I tag everyone!

Cheerio said...

anonymous - who is me?

Anonymous said...

You are Cheerio. Why?

Cheerio said...

trs - no fair! how are we sposed to keep the story in chronological order?

Anonymous said...

(Or so he dreamed in his long, deep slumber.)

Crawling Axe said...

— That was me again.

The Real Shliach said...

girl, the guy's on acid, even he has no idea. besides, i was just trying to make you people happy. sorry for trying.

Cheerio said...

anonymous - :P. who are you? you're like me, in that i always leave voice messages on my friend's phones, saying "hi, it's me, blah blaha blah" and then realizing they might not know who "me" is, i insert my name hurriedly at the end. except you didnt insert your name.

Crawling Axe said...

Ha. The profile turned on finally.

I tag LE7.

sarabonne said...

Everyone huh? Suddenly it's silent.

Anonymous said...

Cheerio, I thought it was obvious.

Anonymous said...

Anon-Bored, are you?

Anonymous said...

Sleepy. Like Ira.

Anonymous said...

Anon-Then sleep.

Anonymous said...

Deal. If you start placing spaces around your dashes.

Anonymous said...

Go to sleep e.

Cheerio said...

i hate anonymi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mottel said...

Ira blinked as he saw himself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies - from afar somebody called him, so he answered quite slowly,
to a girl with kaleidoscope eyes.
I tag Sarrabonne

Sef said...

lucyyy iiinn the sskkkyyyy witth diiaamonds.

now the song is stuck in my head. thanks.

Crawling Axe said...

There is a powerful way for me to purge a stuck song from my mind. I hum to myself the repetitive notes from Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake ballet. I have sang it to people and had their minds wiped clean (in most cases, of a stuck song). Unfortunately, since it is the Period of Musical Doom, I can’t link it. (Maybe for therapeutic purposes...)

sarabonne said...

She sang to him,
"You're so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?" and then ran off.

I tag CA

Crawling Axe said...

Ira tried to look for his monocle, but instead found a French toast in his jacket; at this point, he heard (amidst now very distinctive lack of tinnitus) a male voice in Eastern European accent say “Brrrekfest ready, Mistterr Eeera”, smelled French toasts and woke up.

I tag myself.

No, kidding. I tag Sef.

e said...

folks: this is one sentence a piece!

Crawling Axe said...

Whose kitchen-garden is this a stone for?

e said...

explain your metaphor for those who aren't of Russian persuasion.

Crawling Axe said...

Throw a rock into someone’s kitchen-garden, to (Rus., slang) — to criticize, to mock, to speak disparagingly about in a mild form.

From: Oxford Dictionary of Russian Expressions and Pearls of Wisdom (Oxford University Press, Cambridge, UK, 2005).

e said...

so you're asking whom am I trying to diss? All the people who have been adding more than one sentence at a time.

Dovid said...

LE7- please add all the new sentences/paragraphs to the story. Thanks

Sef said...

Laying in his 800 count - hot pink - Egyptian cotton sheets, Ira looked around the room to see if the voice he heard was real.

I tag e.

e said...

"Of course I'm real!" a raspy voice screamed.

I tag Cheerio

Cheerio said...

The raspy voice belonged to a shriveled old man who was standing in the center of Ira's room (which was coincidentally was painted hot pink), holding a (what else?) hot pink breakfast tray.

i tag dovid.

Dovid said...

"Oh Adrian its just you. What day is it? How long have I been sleeping here on the set?"

Dovid said...

I tag Sarabonne

sarabonne said...

"Erm, Meester Ira sir...you been sleeping many a moon, we was very worried."

I tag trs

The Real Shliach said...

Ira looked around the room and saw something strange; a cow was staring straight at him!

I tag le7.

le7 said...

It let out a loud moo and informed Ira that he was from Wisconsin.

I tag e.

The Real Shliach said...

And of course ira is also from Wisconsin.

e said...

"Perchance you hail from the Sheboygan region, my ancestral stomping grounds?" Ira asked hopefully.

I tag ummm I don't know. Who haven't I tagged recently?

e said...

I suppose I'll tag sarabonne.

sarabonne said...

The bovine creature was rather appalled by Ira's outragous question and his lacking sense of popriety.

I tag Dovid

Sef said...

Adrian reminds me of jar jar binks...

Dovid said...

Realizing that the acid has yet to wear off, Ira decided against driving himself to the matzah-ball eating contest and instead asked the cow for a ride.

Dovid said...

Sef please honor us by penning the next sentence.

The Real Shliach said...

Sara, that would be propriety.

Crawling Axe said...

Or “property”.

sarabonne said...

*propriety

The Real Shliach said...

does someone want to copy and paste this whole post (not the comments) onto a new post, because it's getting really annoying for me to scroll all the way down on my iPod to comment. Thanks.

Dovid said...

I can't keep the formatting when I paste it.

le7 said...

I'll take care of it bl"n after I finish studying for my calculus exam for tomorrow morning. So hopefully in a few hours okay?

Crawling Axe said...

Sure you can. Blogger allows you to keep the formatting if you just copy the text and paste it into the Compose section. Alternatively, you can copy the HTML code from (as you might expect) one HTML section to another.

le7 said...

Okay continue commenting on the new post.

Michelle said...

Months later, just wanted to tell you that I ran across your entry here in a Google search for Joint Writing Exercise. Hopefully my daughter and I will be able to match this for hilarity.

I'm also working on a writing exercise in my own blog if anyone wants to join me:

http://peacefulbeingbalance.blogspot.com/

Hope to see you there!

Michelle